Churches are finding new ways to offer friendship, support and opportunities to men, helping them grow in faith. Here are some examples of the different ministries and events and the difference they are making.
Alton ‘Walking Church for Men‘
The ‘Walking Church for Men’ was set up by the Parish of the Resurrection in Alton in 2019. The idea was to bring men together to walk, talk and to share their faith journeys in the beautiful Hampshire countryside. Like many activities, it lapsed during the Covid pandemic, but it has now returned stronger than ever, with renewed enthusiasm and a growing number of participants.
The walks typically see around a dozen or more men joining in and take place every 6 to 8 weeks. They’re open to those with faith and those without and participants join from various churches across the town.
Walker Darren Sheridan said, “I think this group is a form of fellowship and that is really valuable. There’s a good sense of camaraderie and companionship. People share what’s going on in their lives and you get to enjoy the beautiful nature that we have around Alton and God’s part in that. It’s also good to share with other people who are following God in their lives. There’s that sense that we’re travelling through life together. It’s a really positive group and I am grateful it’s been set up.”
The walk starts with a brief talk and prayer. It often has a theme, with the last walk focusing on peace. Each walk takes between an hour and a half and two hours, including time to pause and reflect and sometimes people share their testimonies and personal experiences.
Steve Thompson joined the group around three years ago and commented, “Men tend not to group together in the same way as often women do, so it’s good to have this. We draw people from all the local churches and it’s amazing the people you meet. There are some who have been recently widowed and they find mutual support from others in similar circumstances.”
The routes vary each time, but the Walking Church usually begins and ends at a local pub, providing a chance to share food and fellowship. While most of the walks are exclusively for men, there is an exception in August when friends and family are invited along.
Organiser Robin Kemp said, “I felt there was a lack of opportunities for men to get together with other men to talk, and walking is a good way of doing that. I also felt there was a need. We called it the Walking Church for Men because a lot of people walk anyway and we wanted to do something different, to challenge people and be able to invite others along. There are a couple of people in the group who are not Christians and they’re happy to join with us so it’s a kind of soft evangelism. One man came along to a J-John event in Alton in December, another man now comes along to a discussion group.”
He continued, “The walk is a good way of getting to know people better. There are some sad stories behind some of these guys, but they know that they can come and talk and find support and understanding. I would certainly recommend the idea to others.”
‘Who Let the Dads Out’ at St Leonard’s, Oakley
The church has recently set up two new initiatives to meet the needs of men both in the church and the community. ‘Who Let the Dads Out’ encourages dads to bring their children for a Saturday breakfast and drop-in play session. The first event was held in March and aimed at Dads with primary school children and younger. Fruit, croissants and bacon sandwiches were provided, along with a craft table, toys and play station.
A team of dads with older children helped in the kitchen and were able to share their experiences and engage in conversations. Revd Ed Haycock, Assistant Curate, said, “Two of the dads are on the periphery of church and it was nice to see them having conversations with others. We try to gather dads and kids together to build community and create space for them to spend quality time together and give mums a break!”
A working lunch meet-up has also been set up. It came about following conversations with men about their well-being whilst working alone at home. It takes place monthly on a Monday lunchtime at a different persons home each month. Each person brings their own packed lunch but it’s a chance to come together with a short bible reflection too.
Revd Ed added, “We’re offering a space for men to gather at lunch time, escaping their working from home desks, for food, community and a short devotional”
Men’s Weekends at St Francis, Valley Park
St Francis Church Valley Park hold an annual Men’s Weekend, on the back of their monthly Men’s breakfasts. This year they stayed at the South Downs Bunkhouse at Houghton, which is a base for the national park.
Peter Rhodes, who leads the group, says that these weekends have three purposes: to get to know each other better and build trust to support each other throughout the year, to offer an outreach to friends and an opportunity to enjoy God’s creation.
He said, “The time is spent walking, talking, eating and drinking. Along the way they’ll spend time with God and have a great time. Although they are not ‘retreats’, we have a short Bible reflection on Saturday morning over breakfast, and a simple communion service on the Sunday, before we head out for the hills – a great time of quiet worship to start the day. We stay in bunk-house accommodation – for us, venues have to meet four criteria: be less than three hours’ drive, self-catering, in the middle of countryside with good walks, and have a log fire!”
Peter continued, “It’s close enough for people to come out for the day – this year we were a small group, with 7 staying and 3 coming for Saturday, but that meant we got to know new people to the group really well. It was good for a couple of the men in particular, who recently lost loved ones – it was good just to share time with them.”
Peter says they aim to keep costs to around £100 including fuel, food and beer, and they have ways to support those who can’t afford that. Saturday evening is always a curry feast!
Months of planning goes into this weekend, with finding the location and accommodation, planning the food and the walks, advertising the event and obtaining church council approval, risk assessments and insurance. They start advertising the event about six months ahead and plan walking routes to take into account the ability of the group.
Peter added, “Walking weekends probably won’t suit all men in the church, but at least all know the opportunity is there, and for those who do get involved they are likely to find a warm and rewarding time. Many churches who run this sort of event, including St Francis, find they can be a good way to bring those on the periphery into closer fellowship, and encourage new members to stay.”
FROGs, Bursledon Parish
FROGs stands for ‘Fridays Retired Old Gentlemen’. The group began over a decade ago and previously met on a Friday. These days they meet each Monday to share good food and company but have kept their name. It began very informally as three men who met each week in Tesco café, but gradually they invited more people along and so the gathering of friends grew.
Bob Bax has a BCM in Pastoral Care and said, “This is a great opportunity to bring together church people and non-church people, everyone is welcome. We get quite a few people who have been recommended by their doctors, especially if they’ve been bereaved. It’s somewhere for them to come and have a chat for an hour or so, have a cup of coffee, a nice breakfast and feel welcome. It’s an opportunity to give men some caring support if they need it and some fellowship.”
The group can number up to 25 each Monday and meet at Gary’s Café at the Lowford community centre. Owner Gary remembers their names and often their breakfast orders! There’s much laughter and conversation.
Revd John Pawson, Vicar of Bursledon, said, “People come along week by week and they’re happy to be here. Some of them like to talk world politics, for others it’s football or it’s stories about what’s happened during the week.
“It’s a safe place and a friendly place where men, particularly those who are retired or widowed, can come and regularly meet with others. Some of them may have quite an active social life but others may not and so for them particularly, it’s an opportunity to meet with other people and to feel safe about doing that, in a familiar and friendly place.”
Bursledon Parish also holds Men’s breakfasts spaced throughout the year and curry or pub nights. The FROGs group also organise trips to the pub, lunches and have a WhatsApp friends’ group.
Geoff Purkiss, who regularly attends FROGs, said, “My wife passed away and the officiant, who was a member of FROGs, told me about the club and invited me along. That was nearly six years ago, and I’ve been coming ever since. I learn about what’s going on in Bursledon and it gets you out mixing with other people. There’s always someone to talk to or can help you if you need it.”
Tony Seve added, “I go to church regularly, to either St Leonard’s or St Paul’s. The camaraderie here is fantastic and that’s why I come every Monday and anyone who can’t get here and needs a lift, will get one. I don’t know the words to describe it, but it’s made my life a lot happier.”
Although one of the original members of FROGs was a reader at the church, the group is seen as an event for the whole community.
Revd John added, “I think a few people might not want to go to something that is seen to be a church group so it is an opportunity for people to come along and not feel that they’re going preached to, but at the same time, we try and encourage all of our church members just to be aware of opportunities that they have to talk about their faith and be ready to give that testimony as and when the opportunity arises.”
Bitterne Men’s Shed
Bitterne Men’s Shed was first established in 2018 by a group of men who had met for many years on a Monday morning to do maintenance in the churchyard and were inspired by a television programme about Men’s Sheds.
One of those was Keith Marsh, who said, “Men are notoriously bad about talking so we thought why don’t we start a Shed. It’s been vital. We get people referred by their doctors and social prescribers. Most of the men have an issue of some description, whether that’s a bereavement or we have several men who are experiencing problems with cancer. My wife died last March. People might struggle to discuss these issues in a mixed group, but if guys are building something together, they are often happy to talk.”
The group started initially with 12 people, but numbers have grown. In 2020 the group moved into bigger premises using an adapted container for their workshop and tools, and a second container has now also been added to the plot.
The Men’s Shed is seen as an outreach project by Holy Saviour Church and the Shed logo includes the cross of Jesus. Around a quarter of the members attend church, with the Shed being seen as a facility for the whole community. It’s also a social group with trips to local museums, lunch and breakfasts together.
Michael Nolan joined the Shed just over two years ago. He said, “It’s fun and challenging and a chance to get out of the house. I lost my wife and I’d finished work and this is an escape. It’s about being around people who are similarly minded, and you can talk and not feel like you’re imposing. I have struggled with my wife passing and I have been able to open up and there are people here who can relate to how I feel. We’re like a community. New people come and we chat and we help and feel like we’re doing something together.”
Although linked to the church, the group are keen to stand on their own feet. Members pay £30 subs each year. They make goods to sell for income at local fairs and church festivals and recently created a planter for Southampton central station and a bug hotel for a local school.
Michael Clowes joined two years ago and has been using his skills from a career in health and safety in the shipyards. He said, “When some men retire, they miss the working environment and the camaraderie with workmates. It’s important to have that especially if men are on their own. This gives people something positive in their lives and a boost in wellbeing and it’s good for your mental health to interact with others. It’s getting together and talking things over and discussing problems. It’s that work camaraderie they miss. I think Men’s Sheds should be more widespread. As a community facility it would benefit a lot of people. It’s been beneficial to me.”
Keith added, “Not all the men in the Shed are church members but you never know what it will lead to. It’s important to give companionship and a safe place to talk and if that leads to something long term then that’s great. I think every church should have a Shed, it’s a great way of getting into the community.”
