Today’s Lenten reflection was written by Andy Spence, an ordinand training through the Licensed Ministry Training programme.
Maybe it’s just me, but at times my prayer life feels as though I am lost in the wilderness. I begin with every good intention, knowing who I want to pray for and what other things are on my heart. I settle down and for the first minute or two all is well, I am on the right path, until suddenly, I’m lost in the wilderness.
Straying off the path takes no effort at all. One moment I am praying for my sister, the next I’m wondering whether I’ll have time to cut the grass. Or I’ll be praying for a forthcoming event but then I’m thinking about that empty wilderness that is the fridge.
My prayer time easily becomes a maelstrom of unstructured, disconnected thoughts and once I’ve stepped off the path it’s as though the wind picks up and blows my thoughts hither and thither. Guilt creeps in – I’m supposed to be able to pray; isn’t it just like having a chat with my Father in heaven? And if I can’t be focussed now at the beginning of the day, how will I do everything else on my to-do list?
When I’m lost in my prayer wilderness the only easy way out is to stop, to remind myself that my focus has switched away from God and onto me, my busyness, my frustrations, my selfishness.
The way out of the wilderness is to turn to Jesus’ prayers.
He taught us how we should pray, beginning with a reminder of where God is: “Our Father, who art in heaven ….” I may be lost in the wilderness but he is in heaven and if I keep my eyes fixed on him, maybe I can find a way back to my prayers.
Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane minutes before one of his own disciples betrayed him to his death. He prayed while his disciples who should have been keeping watch slept. In his prayer Jesus showed he was human and, just like me, subject to temptation.
He prayed “Take this cup from me.” But he resisted temptation.
He showed his unconditional trust in the Lord, “ABBA, Father, everything is possible for you.”
Most of all, he showed his complete obedience to his Father, “Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
Profound and humbling though those prayers are, what helps me out of the wilderness is that Mark tells us (Chapter 14:39) Jesus “went away and prayed the same thing ” again and again. That encourages me. Prayers can be repeated. Prayers can be short. They can be direct. They can be simple. And we don’t always need to pray a new prayer. My prayer wilderness is my own creation – the way out is to fix my gaze upon Jesus, returning time and again to what he said, and taught, and prayed.
