St Swithun’s Church in Nately Scures has held its first Rainbow service to provide support and comfort to mothers who have experienced the profound grief of losing a child.
It was a time to pause for quiet reflection, a safe space to share grief and to honour with thoughts and actions those held dear, however long ago that loss may have been.
The service was created for mothers who had lost a child through accident, illness, injury or before or at birth and for whom traditional Mothering Sunday services can be especially hard.
It included prayers and a reading from Psalm 139, and while gentle music played those present were given rainbow cards, a candle and a stone to decorate. All of these were later placed on the altar.
One of the mums was Collette who lost her 3-year-old daughter Isla and unborn son Harry when a lorry crashed into her car in 2016. Her stones included images of butterflies, symbols that she keeps around her to remind her of their short-lived beauty.
She said, “This service has meant so much to me. I think about Isla and Harry all the time but it’s nice to be able to dedicate special time to them and do something specifically for them around Mother’s Day. It’s brought me comfort. Painting the stone gave me time to let my emotions out and it’s been good to be able to speak about them too. In 2016, people talked a lot about the children but as time goes on, that happens less often. So, this gave me a window to talk and it did feel nice because it wasn’t sorrowful, it was very positive. I have a daughter who is now 7 years old and on Mother’s Day next Sunday I can focus on her and not feel conflicted. I’ve had a special day for Isla and Harry today.”
She continued, “After the accident I questioned my faith but services like this and events in the community are starting to bring me back in”.
St Swithun’s in Nately Scures is part of the North Hampshire Downs Benefice and provided a small, welcoming and intimate setting for the service. It was open to those who attend church but also advertised in the community for those who had never been to church before. The service was led by Revd Debbie Veel who wore a sparkly collar in support of the Rainbow Trust children’s charity.
The idea for the service came from a talk she heard by the Mariposa Trust which supports bereaved mothers and runs remembrance services across the world, and a friend who told her she still grieved the loss of her baby, 30 years on.
Revd Debbie said, “There seemed to be a sense that people don’t always have the opportunity to remember. They don’t necessarily want to come to a Mothering Sunday service, even if they have other children, they want to be able to remember the children they’ve lost. When I advertised this people commented ‘I wish that had been done years ago’ so there did seem to be a need. I think the people who have come today have found it helpful to remember and to talk about their children. I hope they have been really blessed by it.”
Revd Debbie was supported by other members of the church who organised craft activities and tea and cakes after the service.
Joan also came to St Swithun’s to remember her son Daniel who died 12 years ago. He was 38 years old. She said, “The grief is there but you want to celebrate the memories too and so this is good idea. People often think my loss happened a long time ago, they don’t know what to say or expect you to have moved on, but every day something triggers a memory. Today has been comforting. You realise you’re not alone, you’re with people who understand and can share those emotions.”
The service finished with a Gaelic blessing for deep peace. It was a gentle calm service and although small in number, for those present it made a big difference.
Revd Debbie added, “I was brilliantly lucky because I’ve had some wonderful people to support me, and I think that tea and cakes make people feel welcome as well and gives them an opportunity to stop and chat. Both the ladies stopped and shared their stories with me and with other people too. Both said if we did this again, they’d come again. It’s quite a small rural community, and it’s nice to reach out to people who maybe need the opportunity to talk, to acknowledge their loss is always there and to give them space to know that it’s okay to talk and they’re not being hurried through their grief. We’re trying to be Jesus’ hands and feet here and now, and show his love and compassion.”
